I have been thinking about blogging but yet sometimes too scare to blog as I feel like an open book being read....I am starting to worry about people actually knowing what is my mind...funni isnt it ? ...why would someone wants to blog yet scare people know what she is writing....hahaha.....silly ..
I am not sure if my BFF "K" can read this but we went for dinner last month and she asked me some questions which must be based on her observation ...and i was stunned. I am not sure if she read me....or she just trying to prompt the question so that I can think of it but i was like...shit...is it so obvious ? the thing that I have hidden right in the corner of my heart....
anyway...i blew it...totally blew it...they said never tell them what you think....i never even go near there but i kind of give hint...and i blew it.....
perhaps is better this way....at this moment in time, what we dont need are drama and anything that will hindrance what we plan to do....the dream, the goal......
I need a string....to tie the heart down. To lock it still....that should be safe.
I am really getting old...cant remember my password all the time....and i just realised the last blog i have is like last year !
So one year have passed...what did i really achieve this year ? hmmm i try to think hard .....nothing at all...i did nothing that is so impt that i remember .....this is not good....
I need to do something abt my life,....i mean i am okay....not sad....not super happy....but peaceful.....isnt that enough....it should be.....but lately a feel a missing piece....maybe is just bec is Christmas time ?? they say Christmas generally make u feel lonely.....yes i do......heard One Repulic - Christmas without u........love that song...really do....
I am not sad now...just feel something is missing.....i will like to feel meaningful next year....i need to figure out how to make my life meaningful.
I finally remember my account password ! Its been so long since I am here but not because I am lazy but because I forget my password....finally....
So much things have happened in my life lately that I dont know where to start with anymore.....but what really trigger my urge to write is that is almost 100 days soon but still is so hard to get over the fact. WHY ? WHY u always give all you trouble to everyone's else ? why must the family always the one that help you to pick up the mess? Why u never ever think about us instead of u ?
Do you know she again lost control and threaten to suicide again ? She even told her gugu that she wants the kids to follow. Do you seriously love her so much to bring her with you ? Do you seriously think this is better for the kids ? U so selfish as ever.....
Today her gugu text me and tell me that she knows that we really dote on her too.....but do u know how much we hate her too? I know she is not entirely to be blamed but we just stop the feeling. If the one that died is her.....her family will have treat us like enemy. Just like how they treat Dad last time....how much pain and guilt he went thru and u fucker let him go thru all these again....u know the image of him signing on your death cert keep hurting me....can u imagine how he felt at the moment ??
U never cos u always put yrself in front of dad. U such an idiot ! U not worth thinking of at all.
Is so hard to see you being happy when I am in pain. But is even harder to see you being sad and being in pain. I rather chose the route that at least once of us is smiling.
Somehow I know the sunshine girl will know who I am talking about ...and I kind of wonder if the latest fb profile that she post is also related to the same topic.
There are no man reading my blog I guess but if you are a man and you are reading this..I want to let you know that Kiss and Tell is totally unacceptable ! Especially if you broadcast to the whole world the name ! It is so uncool, it is so childish and unacceptable. Whatever your reason of doing that act maybe, even if that woman is a slut, is totally uncool !
Did it occur to you that a ladies sexual reputation is very important to them ? Did it occur to you that it is as impt as your abilities reputation ?
I kind of pity the girl who is involve. I am not sure why did she act and "run away and hide" but guess maybe she regret her action...and seriously I think she should cos in the first place, she shouldnt be kissing a totally childish and uncool man.
Today I read a blog of my friend which comment abt pp complaining too much...hmm true, sometimes we complain non stop abt our life without thinking that most of the time we are lucky. People complain for various reasons, maybe they need to vent out their frustration, maybe they need to seek attention, maybe they always think that they are smarter than ours, maybe they just lost.
I have an ex-colleague that always complain non stop. Sometimes during a lunch she can repeatly talk abt how bad the food is ...almostg 3 -4 times thru the hour, or she can repeat how silly her boss was to a few of us. I always tell her that she complained too much that is boring us...and her excuses is she need to vent her frustration. But actually complaining can also make it worst. The more you talk about it, the more you feel that you are right ! and sometimes pp hearing your complain might add things or comments that affect the situation even more.
Now I have an colleague that dont complain at all :D No matter what happen, she just bear with it and continue like all those things dont affect her. Sometimes when I feel like talking/complaining, I will feel shy to tell her since she is so collected.
And guess what....in my old company, I feel that I am like my ex-colleague. I saw myself being the pain in the neck. And now......i think soon I might just work and dont complain so much....hahahaha.....is strange how we meet people in different stage of our life to reflect ourself and remains us on who we really are??
I guess that why they say we meet everyone for a reason :)
Sorry all, I have not been blogging. U know why ? I have totally forgotten my password :P well not going to blog today as i am so tired but maybe i will forget my password again?? wahahaha
Sometimes when I sit down, I start to think. Think about what I have went through these few years. I always look at my past but someone told me dont even peep. Just move on and dont look back. But actually by looking back, it help me to be a better person.
I was all along lucky especially at work. Most of the times, my bosses like me because I am willing to learn, work hard and I am someone that has lot of ideas to get thing done. But I do have an attitude problem I guess. I will disagree with my boss if I think he is not right, I will sometimes refuse to listen if I feel that they are only wasting my time. I even quarrelled once with my MD and told him that yes I am thinking of resigning.....I was so closed, so closed to being fired by him. I guess maybe he cant find a good reason to fire me so I was saved!
I had quite an interesting period last 2 years. Especially when I started to play Human pets and know so many online friends in there. From there, U get to know a lot of peoples that are somehow "lost" in their real life. Is true, the right word is lost....which is why most of us spend a lot of time online chatting with strangers/friends to find our light and also our soulmates that understand how we feel even when we dont know each other.
Is strange how we can just say out all our feeling to people that we never met but yet we cant tell someone how we feel when they are besides us. From there, we also fall in love ....fall in love with people that we imagine they are and also fall in love with people that make us change somehow.
I am now quite a different person from what I was and I must say I like it this way. But I do feel strange sometimes, feel that I am not me. It made me freak out too.
Right now, I feel so bored and unsure if this is the type of life I want. But yet I cant answer to myself what I really want as well. Can you ?
I was watching a movie on Friday, there is a line that they quoted from Gandi " Nearly everything you do is of no importance, but it is important that you do it."
Today is the moon cake festival which mean is the Lunar August and 15th day. On this day, usually the kids will take out their lantern and play, all of us will eat mooncake with tea. Sometimes, we will also eat pomelo which I love.
My friends were just laughing at the fact that I dislike all festival & actually I only like Mooncake festival. I will tell u all later in my future blogs why i dislike the other festive season since I will explain why I Mooncake festival. I guess maybe because I like moon, I love to eat mooncake and also I like to see the light from the lantern ? Besides, they always say there is a goddess staying inside the moon with a bunny. There was a very touching love story behind it hence to remember the moon, we celebrate this festival.
As I am a rabbit sign, they said if I pray to the moon on this day, I will be blessed with love. :) Last 3 years I have been praying but always found out later I was just praying to the reflection (LOL) since my block cant allow me to see the moon. BUT this year, I finally got to see the moon and pray to her....
In fact, I always talked to her as she know exactly how i feel and think.....dont think I am crazy but this is the way I always do...talk to the Goddess in the moon....hahahaha
What have I prayed for ??? hee hee secret lah cant tell u all ;P
Its been a long time since I watched movie alone. The first time that I watched movie was when I was very very upset over my first ex bf. I remembered that feeling even till now how lonely it was to watch movie alone and since then, I have never watch any show alone.
However today, I suddenly feel like watching a movie alone again. So after the lunch with my friends, I took a bus to town to watch Time traveler's wife which my friends told me they read the book and the book is really good.
This time sitting in the cinema alone dont feel so bad anymore. In fact, I kind of like the feeling of doing something on my own for myself since i FEEL like it.
It is a romance abt this guy, Henry who can travel thru time falling in love with his wide Clare and how they went thru their marriage. It is a very touching movie and I must say I like this show. Somehow I feel that the actor only really get into the role later part of the movie but the actress is great. We can see the love right from the beginning.
However, this show create a stir of feeling within me when I watched it. Being able to travel thru time can be great. Imagine how many times in our life we always think that it will be great if we are back to the moment we wished we are. Back into someone's arm, back to the time that we are still in love, back to the time that we always have our memories flashback. But yet at the sametime, imagine we have to see how we lost the someone over and over again as well? Whenever we see the same situation and we try to prevent it a thousand time yet the fate remains unchanged. The question will then be ARE u able to go thru the pain over and over again ???
Perhaps someone...maybe yourself will tell u that even without time travelling, we ALLOW ourself to indulge in whatever we want to see, whatever we believe and allow ourselve to go thru the pain over and over again. Why do we do that ? Simply because we want to feel the love, we want to feel the moment that we are in love again. It is worth it ? Noone know the answer except you.
In the movie, other then Henry, I also thought abt Clare's feeling especially when the husband past away. She still kept the hope that he can travel back in time and with that hope in her, how is she going to survive the rest of her life ? To stay alone and just live with the past love and the hope that once in a while she get to see him and to hug which all of us do it every every single time ? Or to let go ?? so then she can finally get to hug someone in real and be really happy ? and not allow her feeling to fly high and drop every time he appear and disappear again ??
Well, I dont know what is right as love conquers everything in your heart. But watch the movie or read the book and think hard, perhaps then you can find the answer of what should u do.•.¸ .•´`♥
The first time that I used a camera was when me & my gf went to HK and we bought a dummy camera which means those instance camera and film in one set. To our horror, the only photo that look really nice was the one taken by a stranger for both of us. The rest of photos are either blurred or we are too small to see us. LOL.
Then when I went to Seoul, my auntie lent me her normal Olympus which I believe I took like one or two rolls of film. From there I start to like to take photos and realised that it always look nice when we wear red for photoshooting :P
The first digital camera that I had was a Pansonic FX7. It is a good camera especially when u take portraits photo. Somehow you just look like you have a smoother skin or a slimmer body ...lol . I must said that I liked the camera a lot but I hate the fact that the battery always flat too easily and I have this urge to change it to Canon when I saw my friend's photo using her Canon.
So last year's birthday, I bought my Canon IXUS 870 in Champagne gold colours :) Since then I dont know when, I got addicted to taking photos. As I slowly observed how the rest took photos, I slowly learn to catch different angles etc . Jon, my photographer friend start to encourage me to post my photograph in http://www.flickr.com/photos/41842634@N05/ and I am totally addicted to it !!! Seeing how people took photos etc inspire me a lot.
The photographs that we took tell people or remind us of our story. The journey that we have took, the memories with whom that we have shared with.
Other than that, the photograph also show the photographer's characteristic, their emotion and their thought. I saw some people that took a lot of streets photo...somehow I can feel that they feel lonely. Some people like to take a lot of photos on sky, sun, sea....generally those peoples are those that think a lot....hence they always like to escape to those places to distress, to release their thoughts. There also also Asian that took a lot of photos on food :P that because Asian love to eat !
Have you observe what you like to shoot ? If you ever feel lost, try to look at your photos again. They will remind you of your story and they may lead you back on track. Well, I know I love to take photos with pink in it :P •.¸ .•´`♥
I am someone that think a lot....too much sometimes. I dont like to think but my mind sometimes just flow....From 2008, my life has changed a lot which I might slowly write out what happened later in this blog. But the main reason why I start this blog is to write down what I think and also to write down some inspiration each day. Inspiration from the people I met, the music I listened, the photos I took, the books I read, the movie I watched.
I hope that the inspiration will help me to learn to love life as it is. This is very important to me and in fact to all of us because we always get lost. But if we have a place that we recorded down everything then perhaps it act as a guiding star so that we know our way back.
But before I can have my fresh start, of course I need to thank my soul sister for holding my hand throughout this period and also to teach me how to set up the blog and make it so beautiful. Thanks Lucia as this mean a lot to me. And also thank you for being there from the moment I knew you....we both been through a lot and only us will understand how we really feel throughout this journey that we been through. She is my soul sister whom we both somehow wish that we have swopped. Love U Lucia, always do •.¸ .•´`♥
